fuck this dorm, it's on fire

Police Slog Through 40,000 Insipid Party Pics To Find Cause Of Dorm Fire

olympissed

The banners are waving, the bureaucrats are hopeful...will Chicago be cursed with hosting the 2016 Olympic games? Reasons why I hope not...

Reason #1: Nowhere to have it. Apparently Wrigley Field is being considered for field events. I don't really care about the Cubs, but this means NO CUBS GAMES for probably most of the summer while they prune and pick the little blades of grass to Olympic perfection. And um, has anyone ever been to Wrigleyville? It's like the Fiji house. Neighborhood 20-somethings will be throwing cans of PBR into the stadium from their apartment rooftops.

Reason #2: Traffic jams. One time there was a Sox game AND a Bon Jovi concert on the same night and it took me over an hour to get from Chinatown to Hyde Park on the Dan Ryan.

Reason #3: No $$$$$$$. Why spend money on fixing the rotted, dilapidated, derailed CTA when you can build tall diving boards with it instead? How about the millions of dollars they spent just hanging up those stupid "2016 Olympic Bid" banners along Michigan avenue? I noticed them on the way to the L, where I regrettably paid the official 25 cent increase in fare charges.

Reason #4: Foreigners vs. Foreigners. Chicago is already a diverse city! There are Puerto Ricans and Mexicans in Humboldt Park and Pilsen, Chinese in Chinatown, blacks on the south side, a few Indians on Devon St. and the master hipster race in Wicker Park. There is no room for Koreans, French or Canadians.

Reason #5: Bathrooms. Chicago seriously lacks functioning public restrooms, so I would imagine that thousands upon thousands of porta-potties will have to be implemented throughout the city. Have you ever been to Lollapalooza? Have you seen the mountains of poop that accumulate in those things over 3 days? TRY 3 WEEKS!

Reason #6: Most people don't realize this, but when a city signs up for the "Summer Olympics", it also has to host the Paralympics. Apparently "Paralympics" isn't even a real word, since my spell check is underling it in red right now, which means it probably shouldn't exist in real life either.

Chicago's rival cities are Rio de Janeiro, Toyko, and Madrid. The final selection will be made on October 2nd in Copenhagen by a panel of Danish super models.

"the easiest way to blog."

Last night, in an attempt to bring more social connections to my blog, I did something I thought I would never do...I signed up for a Tubmlr. I even imported all of my Blogger posts into it. It was like pouring all your transfer credits over to a new school and then deciding to stay where you're at. It only took five minutes before I started searching out the "deactivate account" button. Sure, the site holds stigmas of being kind of hipster shallow, and just as with most stereotypes there is a grain of truth. In this case, though, I found a silo of truth. And five hundred troughs and a barrel.

According to the interwebs, a "tumblelog" is a variation of a blog that favors short-form, mixed-media posts over the longer editorial posts frequently associated with blogging. Common post formats found on tumblelogs include links, photos, quotes, dialogues, and video. In other words, Tumblr is designed to store audio and/or visual vomit without any added on commentary or original thought. It's basically like a Photobucket but with obnoxious colors and a little picture of yourself in the corner of the template. In reality, this whole idea is not much different than taping magazine cut-outs of super models and "cool shit" to your bedroom walls for your friends to see when they come over.

My hours-long browse of the site revealed thousands of sickeningly trendy photos, a few aspiring something-or-others, and an endless number of re-posted gunk. One user called "bitchville" epitomizes this whole idea of micro-blogging all too perfectly. Bitchville is a very teen girl from Sydney, Australia. On the top of her blog is a little Polaroid (or Photoshop?) collage of herself donning a dinosaur T-shirt, striped sweater, and bossy little look. She likes all the typical things that are so generalized that when listed, they actually give no insight towards the person whatsoever. These include traveling, art, photography, good music, tea, etc. Supposedly this blog is somewhat of a journal for her; she says she uses it to "bitch" about her life. I'm sorry to say that scrolling through over two weeks of recent posts recovered no bitching whatsoever; hardly even anything with more than three words of text. I did find a Tribe Called Quest MP3 and a quote from Winnie the Pooh, though.

Honestly, Tumblrs, get your acts together! I'm still not completely sure why this bothers me at all, but I guess it comes from a little place of worry. In the end, micro-blogging is just a goofy, self-absorbed, entertaining way to blog. It's sort of vapid and easy and fun. But what happens when it replaces actual blogging? What happens when people don't want to read anything more than 140 characters? Will there be a point to creating anything of your own when you can simply re-post the art and opinions of strangers (or Winnie the Pooh) and have people "follow" you for it?

cake and candles

Since my birthday is tomorrow (May 9th), I've had birthday on the brains; birthdays past and potential birthdays future, my favorite birthday presents, and celebrity birthdays that fall on the same day as mine. I've also been thinking about that birthday probability theory where if there are only 30 people in a room, there's already a 70% chance that two will share the same birthday. Okay, old news, I know.
What isn't old news, though, is the fact that upon doing a little birthday googling, I have officially come across my new favorite celebrity birthday match (it used to be Billy Joel).

Ladies and gentleman, Audrina Patridge.
Reality television crapstar and real-life gossip girl, Audrina has done everything from hooking up with the 30 Seconds to Mars drummer to starring in a straight-to-DVD movie titled "Into the Blue 2: The Reef". She was recently asked to give a few summertime beauty tips and advice about the 'perfect look'. This is what she came up with:

“Get a little color ahead of time: if you haven’t seen the sun all winter, self tanner works wonders! I always feel skinnier when I have a little glow. You can apply yourself, or go get a spray tan.”

“Make sure your bathing suit fits! If you’re sure that your top/bottom will stay on, whether you’re playing in the waves, throwing around a Frisbee, or playing volleyball, you’ll be confident, comfortable and relaxed. Also, do a see-thru test first (especially with white, or light colored bathing suits). Nobody wants to get wet and realize their suit is sheer!”

I love you, birthday twin!