what america needs

I've been renting documentaries every week since the beginning of the summer. Most of them have been fantastic, and I'll mention those in a later post. A lot of them have been obviously biased, and only one has truly made me cringe. "What America Needs", by Minneapolis film maker and boring douche Mark Wojahn. The concept of this documentary is almost too simple: this guy in his early 30's travels across the country asking people one question..."What does America need?"

The only thing worse than the 500 predictable, typical answers from Americans (and a ton of foreigners visiting America) is Wojahn's monotone narration. This guy's voice makes NPR news sound like a Chucky Cheese's birthday party.

Anyway, he starts out in New York City. I <3 NY, but apparently that city is full of turds. One woman said that America needs higher taxes, presumably to support a better social welfare system. She then adds that within one month after the birth of her child, the two of them will be leaving the country. Hopefully she remembers to pay the hospital bills. Her apartment looked like an IKEA store display.

Washington DC had a lot of worry warts on account of a community sniper on the loose during the time he "shot" his documentary there. The people there seemed entirely focused on their local issue, but not very good at articulating their thoughts. "We is uh, facing a lot of hard times out here now, uh, there's this sniper goin round shootin at people & it's scary, 'cause...ya know, we can't even go out in the streets no more..." (Coming from someone who was standing in the street at the time, and a background buzzing with cars and people walking around.)

One woman with an adorable toddler decked out in designer baby clothes claimed that "America needs to stop worrying about what we wear, what we drive, etc." Judging by her hair, she was clearly the most appearance-conscious person in this entire film.

As Wojahn drove deeper into the heart of America, religious-based answers to his question became more common. These were the most boring answers to sit through, but the old ladies were kind of cute.

As he traveled further west, the answers were pretty much all the same. Peace, love, more awareness bullshit. California proved itself to be one big glittery party when Wojahn set out to interview various 20-somethings drinking on Halloween night. Some of the answers to what they think America needs: "More cute gay men." "More boobs. Everyone loves boobs." "Clubs that are open until 11 in the morning."

Overall, I believe Wojahn had an alright idea. The guy obviously has balls to go out traveling on his own and talk to all these people across the United States. Unfortunately, people throughout the United States had very little insight and ideas to offer him. It makes me sad that out of 500 people from my country, there are maybe ten of them who don't come across as undeniably ignorant. America needs to get a clue.